11.20.08
On Goblin Shoulders, and Being Put in the Front Yard on Blocks
Last year, Boyfriend’s left leg got into a fight with his right leg. The left leg won. Or maybe it was the other way around, but the point is that he hurt himself by, quite literally, not doing anything. It was the Great Typing Accident of ‘07, and he hurt his ankle for a few days because he was doing work on the computer, slouched down and with his legs crossed at the ankles. Evidently he sat that way for too long, his Bully Ankle turned into 8,000 lbs. and beat up the other one. He hurt himself whilst typing.
And somewhere a young illustrated boy named Nelson Muntz crows, “HA HAA!”
But now it’s my turn, only I seem to have suffered a cervical/thoracic sprain. I work out frequently, most of the time with weights, but they’re light enough where it would almost be a joke to sprain my back while doing so. And I’m certain I would have noticed if it had happened. But no, that wasn’t it. My new doctor informed me yesterday during my physical that I have a curve in my back. I had to touch my toes like we did in the locker rooms in middle school gym class and she noticed something. Fortunately, she said, it’s not the bone. (Thank you Jeebus.) It’s the muscle and something is pushing something to one side and apparently this is why my back hurts (really?), I have headaches, neck pain and why I have been feeling like my lower left arm is filled with static and white noise instead of blood. I’d like to note that I find it somewhat sad that I sailed through and loved Anatomy & Physiology, but I don’t remember the muscles involved in the Jurgologie Back Sprain Invitational, nor do I feel like looking it up.
Point is, my muscles are fighting with each other and one is kicking some serious ass, for when she told me to stand and face her, she confirmed that one shoulder is higher than the other shoulder. Happily, it is not as obvious as this (image not to scale):
and fortunately is not really noticeable to someone if they’re not specifically looking for it. But I now have to go to physical therapy for at least a month, and I start today.
Whee?
I’ve never been to physical therapy before and the only time I’ve ever known someone to have to go was when they hurt themselves while actually doing something. Me? I apparently really have made tension into a sport, because according to Dr. Doctor, that is most likely the culprit. Put me on blocks in the front yard, for I am broken down and rusting quickly.
I’m not going to laugh at Boyfriend anymore, and next time Nelson Muntz squawks, “HA HAA,” I will punch him in the back of the head because now he’s laughing at me, too.
PS: I now can blame my massive handwriting slant on my massive slanted monster shoulders. RAWR, sideways.
Filed under: Daily, Health, Life, WTF?!
10 Responses to “On Goblin Shoulders, and Being Put in the Front Yard on Blocks”
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I’m chuckling thinking about how fun it would be if you became a courtroom sketch artist.
Oh man, I hear you on making tension into a sport. My back pain was so bad I had to have two months of weekly epidurals, and no, no I was NOT actually working on a world record for childbirth. My doctor finally decided it was depression. Located somewhere in my body other than my head.
My rambling point is: don’t feel bad. You are most certainly not alone.
Hope you feel better soon, love.
okay, apparently my new favorite thing to do is post reassuring comments that involve detailing my own life-fails. but the other day at work I was carrying an empty (as in NOT FULL) bottle from the water cooler, & randomly swung it around behind my back for some unknown reason. & the result was some kind of weird shoulder torque injury that left me periodically gasping in pain for the next month & a half. it was basically anything that required me to reach my right arm across my body & twist my wrist outward — scrubbing pots & pans was a bitch — & I even went to an orthopedic shoulder specialist only to have him tell me it would probably go away on its own.
& it has gone away on its own, but I still don’t look back fondly at the weeks of me gasping, concerned onlookers asking what was wrong, me explaining, & then having to re-explain when their sympathetic response was, “well, those water cooler bottles are really heavy.”
Dood, I am pre-PA (yeah, it’s pre-PA now not pre-med) AND I sailed through both the muscle and bone units in A&P with like, 104% each but I couldn’t tell ya the muscles either. I am assuming, since you said cervical/thoracic that the culprit is anterior (i.e., in your chest) but I don’t know that either.
Whateves. Glad you are getting some PT for it, you will probably be surprised at how much better you feel; when your back is effed up it can really make you feel out of sorts.
I’m not even going to laugh because I’m the one who gave herself tennis elbow years ago by knitting.
And every time I go to the doctor complaining about back pain, they say it’s stress. Usually they give me some muscle relaxants. The last time they gave some anti-anxiety stuff. *sigh*
I have a somewhat similar issue where my muscles hate each other. Result= my pelvis is tilted, and one leg appears shorter than the other. PT was a miracle, and especially aquaPT. If you have the option, go for the water. It was the only thing that made any progress for me. :-)
Just how much mocking of the typing accident did you do?
I broke my arm playing frisbee. Not ultimate frisbee, regular frisbee.
Super-secret fact about me: I have accidentally sliced my own boob with a razor. While shaving my legs. I was turning to try to change the water temperature, slipped on some soap, and bam! Blood all over.
Um, I have a reverse story here, I fell down the stairs and it actually put my pelvis/hips/back into place, not out of place. Yay for Physical Therapy.
xox